What compelled me to write this post, is the amount of shame that goes into "coming out" about hoarding or being a clutter bug. I just recently attended the San Francisco Mental Health Assoc. International Clutter and Hoarding Conference (say that five times fast!) I ran into some very cool peeps. Specifically two gay men who told me that coming out about their clutter was harder than coming out about their sexuality. This is not the first time I have heard this. Or the second, or third ...
During my organizing sessions some people choose to share more than others. Thank you to all who supported me in writing this blog and for sharing your stories. Thank you for appreciating my interest in your world. This blog is simply to provoke thought, it's not any sort of scientific data or intended to offend.
When I asked my Clients which was harder? Coming out about being gay, or coming out about being a clutterer? Hands down clutter was more embarrassing. I was even allowed to quote a few.
Jeffrey:
"I came out to the world in high school about being gay. It was no surprise to any of my real friends. My father took a while to come around and accept me. It was a hard time, but I had support"
Jeffrey on his clutter habits - "Only my best of friends know I am a hoarder. The stigma that is attached is just too much for me to face, it's embarrassing. Gay men are "supposed" to be tidy and organized, and I am far from."
Matthew:
"I love being gay. Everyone knows I am gay. I feel like I have always been gay. Coming out was hard when I had to tell my folks and grandparents. Other than that everyone accepts me the way I am."
On his clutter habits - "I would rather have died than have let anyone into my home at it's worst. Being a clutterer is embarrassing and is holding me back in life. "
"Nadine" - a current Client of mine. Nadine filled her house to the brim with garbage. She feels like she will never find a partner who will deal with the mess. She disappointed a lot of people when she came out as being a lesbian. She does not want to let a soul know about the state of her home.
Nadine, Matt and Jeff are all college graduates and have terrific jobs. They all feared more about coming out about their clutter vs. coming out about being gay. They live in fear about what people think. Sound familiar?
Why is there such a stigma with cluttering? What makes the amount of stuff someone owns a justifiable cause to judge them? Since when did we get so mean to each other Collectors?
I encourage you all gay and straight alike to stand up with your shoulders back and let the world know you are disorganized. Come out of the closet today. Ask a friend, family member, hire a professional organizer, do what you need to do to make your space comfy for you. It's your time to shine Collectors, I know you can do it!
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I understand why it's harder to come out as clutterer. About being gay nowadays people have more information and respect for having your own preference. Instead on clutter and hoarding there's the misconception that having your house in such a state is because you are lazy, and never think about the possibility of having a real disorder that prevents from being tidy and part with things. Great post Rachel.
ReplyDeleteNacho! Thank you for stopping by amigo. I always love hearing your "voice" on my blog. Yes the media has now made it so that Gay men are "supposed" to be organized. If you battle chronic disorganization, hoarding disorder, ADHD etc it doesn't matter if you are gay or straight- you are disorganized. But there is help out there! If people are not comfortable coming out of the clutter closet, they can always hire a professional organizer. There is a way around it. We will come over, help you get organized, help you set up systems for your time, life, and home that work. Standard organizing techniques won't work for someone who is CD. (quoting Judith Kolberg) And I agree. Make sure you hire an organizer that has taken a few ICD (Institute for Challenging Disorganization) classes.
DeleteComing out about being a Lesbian was freeing. Coming out about clutter was harsh. When my first potential lover came to my place - she left within five minutes. I was humiliated, and ashamed. She said she was shocked and needed time. That was the last I heard of her. I'm not letting anyone in again until my place is clean. I've always been messy but after my hip replacement I just couldn't keep up. I'm worried the neighbors will rat me out to my landlord and I'll be homeless. I live in Marin County do you travel this far? I saw you were in Pleasanton?
ReplyDeleteDear Collector, thank you for stopping by. Congrats for commenting on the blog. I am sure that was hard. It sounds like this woman was not right for you anyways! Lucky you for seeing what she was worth so early in the game. Deep breaths, there is help. Please call me at 925-548-7750. I offer free estimates to your area. Thank you again for stopping by!
Deleteinteresting article rachel. its hard enough to be gay and to be a horder as well, lets just say its been hard. i never felt like anyone understands me and i am glad to know am not alone and that helps there. looking forward to seeing you in january - mark e.
ReplyDelete