What compelled me to write this post, is the amount of shame that goes into "coming out" about hoarding or being a clutter bug. I just recently attended the San Francisco Mental Health Assoc. International Clutter and Hoarding Conference (say that five times fast!) I ran into some very cool peeps. Specifically two gay men who told me that coming out about their clutter was harder than coming out about their sexuality. This is not the first time I have heard this. Or the second, or third ...
During my organizing sessions some people choose to share more than others. Thank you to all who supported me in writing this blog and for sharing your stories. Thank you for appreciating my interest in your world. This blog is simply to provoke thought, it's not any sort of scientific data or intended to offend.
When I asked my Clients which was harder? Coming out about being gay, or coming out about being a clutterer? Hands down clutter was more embarrassing. I was even allowed to quote a few.
Jeffrey:
"I came out to the world in high school about being gay. It was no surprise to any of my real friends. My father took a while to come around and accept me. It was a hard time, but I had support"
Jeffrey on his clutter habits - "Only my best of friends know I am a hoarder. The stigma that is attached is just too much for me to face, it's embarrassing. Gay men are "supposed" to be tidy and organized, and I am far from."
Matthew:
"I love being gay. Everyone knows I am gay. I feel like I have always been gay. Coming out was hard when I had to tell my folks and grandparents. Other than that everyone accepts me the way I am."
On his clutter habits - "I would rather have died than have let anyone into my home at it's worst. Being a clutterer is embarrassing and is holding me back in life. "
"Nadine" - a current Client of mine. Nadine filled her house to the brim with garbage. She feels like she will never find a partner who will deal with the mess. She disappointed a lot of people when she came out as being a lesbian. She does not want to let a soul know about the state of her home.
Nadine, Matt and Jeff are all college graduates and have terrific jobs. They all feared more about coming out about their clutter vs. coming out about being gay. They live in fear about what people think. Sound familiar?
Why is there such a stigma with cluttering? What makes the amount of stuff someone owns a justifiable cause to judge them? Since when did we get so mean to each other Collectors?
I encourage you all gay and straight alike to stand up with your shoulders back and let the world know you are disorganized. Come out of the closet today. Ask a friend, family member, hire a professional organizer, do what you need to do to make your space comfy for you. It's your time to shine Collectors, I know you can do it!
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