Collector Care Interviews: Dr. Melva aka Doc Lashes aka Mystic Mama

Collector Care Interviews:

Rachel Seavey and Doctor Melva Talk About Single Parenting

I first came across Dr. Melva on the A&E hit series Hoarders where myself and all of her fans came to know her as "Doc Lashes". I began following her on social media sites, and really enjoyed her posts. I noticed a lot of them centered around her being alone with her son. I wondered if she were a single mom like myself. Her messages were so powerful at a time when I felt like hiding under a rock. Was it possible that a single working mother be happy and successful?
She gave me hope throughout this last year with her inspirational quotes and funny stories about her son. I wanted to know more about Doctor Melva! I was thrilled when I got the chance to meet her and do a quick interview on a whim. We got to the bottom of some of my personal pain, and I am so grateful to be able to share. Here we are below taking a pic after chopping it up.

Rachel: Is it hard for you to be a single mom? Do you miss your son when he is at his Dad’s?
 

Dr. Melva: I feel like I can’t claim the complete single mom role because my son has a wonderful Dad. It’s because I have made it a point to have such a healthy and whole relationship with his father – I don’t feel alone. We don’t make any decisions independently as it relates to him (large decisions). Even though we differ on certain ideals about what he needs or what he should have, we have a respect for each other.

My son has been gone with his Dad for weeks at times, and yes I miss him, but I value the time he spends with his father. It is something that is really important to all of us.

Dr. Melva: Are you having a hard time letting your son go?
 

Rachel: Yes I am having a very hard time. I don’t even know who I am without him. I fill the time keeping busy so that I don’t have to think about it. I wish that I could just naturally be happy about the situation but it makes me very sad.
 

Dr. Melva: Rachel is it that you miss the relationship with the three of you?  The reason I ask that is because one of the things that people underestimate the most is grief. It’s the things we do to set a pause on grief. Ill be the first to tell you I did not grieve the loss of our relationship until recently - like this year (I am a very straight person). It was five years ago that we split, I did not even think about grieving. We are great co-parents. When I drove cross country and stopped in Nashville (where we had met in medical school) I texted my sons father sitting from our favorite restaurant. I said "I am crying and the tears are pouring, and I feel like I am missing the dream of what we were once". Then I went past the restaurant, past where our son was born and the medical school and cried my eyes out, I was on the interstate crying, I realized I was finishing the grief process that I never finished before. And not so much that I wanted him back – there had been a dream. We were the perfect three piece set, and it was crushed. And I never grieved.

Rachel: I am missing the dream. Who doesn't dream of having the perfect life (whatever that may be), when it is crushed, it is hard to cope. It's hard to identify the root of the pain when so much hardship is going on around you. I am so happy to hear this perspective. Thank you  for letting me interview you. I will continue to work on accepting grieving the broken dream.

Please stay tuned for our next blog on Dr. Melva being so open about expressing her nontraditional western beliefs and which sorceress I remind her of.

Rachel Seavey, Professional Organizer At Collector Care

Collector Care serves the San Francisco Bay Area. We specialize in hoarding disorder, chronic disorganization and helping the overwhelmed with clutter. We love what we do, and provide realistic expectations and timelines. Don't suffer in chaos any longer. Every breath is a new beginning!
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